Settling in at nursery: a two-week plan and what to ask parents

The EYFS does not set a settling-in period. It requires every child to have a key person whose role includes helping the child become familiar with the setting and building a relationship with their parents, and it requires you to collect information about diet, allergies and health before the child starts. In practice, most settings plan around two weeks of short, lengthening sessions led by the key person, and adjust to the child rather than the calendar.

This guide covers England.

What does the EYFS say about settling in?

It does not use the phrase “settling in”. The requirements that shape it are:

• A key person for every child (paragraph 3.42 of the group and school-based framework; 3.46 of the childminder framework). The role is to tailor care to the child’s needs, help them become familiar with the setting, offer a settled relationship, and build a relationship with their parents.
• Attachment. The framework says children need to build an attachment with their key person for their confidence and well-being (1.19; childminders 1.13).
• Information before admission. Before a child is admitted you must get details of any special dietary requirements, preferences, food allergies and intolerances, and any special health requirements, and share them with everyone who prepares or handles food (3.65; 3.64).
• Records and parent information. You must record the child’s details, who has parental responsibility and emergency contacts (3.99; 3.98), and tell parents the name of their child’s key person and what that person does (3.100; 3.99).

Ofsted’s current toolkit asks whether children are supported to settle, whether practitioners understand that secure attachments help children settle, and whether leaders engage with parents at times of transition so children settle quickly.

A two-week settling plan

This is a starting point, not a rule. Every session is led by the key person, and another adult in the room also gets to know the child, so there is a familiar face when the key person is not there.

When	Who is there	How long	What happens
Before the start	Key person, parent, child	45–60 min	Home visit or meeting. Go through the “all about me” questions below. Take a photo of the family for the child’s peg or family board.
Visit 1	Parent stays in the room	1 hour	Parent and child play together. Key person joins in, following the child’s lead. Parent points out where things are.
Visit 2	Parent stays, steps back	1–1.5 hours	Key person offers the favourite activity from the home visit. Parent moves to the side of the room.
Visit 3	Parent leaves for 15–30 min	1.5 hours	First short goodbye. Parent says where they are going and comes back when they said they would.
Visit 4	Parent leaves for about an hour	2 hours	Includes a snack, so the key person sees how the child eats here.
Visit 5	Parent leaves	Half a morning	Includes a nappy change or toilet trip with the key person.
Week 2, days 1–2	Parent leaves	Morning, including lunch	First full meal. Key person feeds or sits with the child.
Week 2, days 3–4	Parent leaves	Morning or afternoon, including a sleep	First nap here, following the safe sleep rules and the child’s home routine where safe.
Week 2, day 5	Parent leaves	Their usual session	Short review with the parent at collection: what went well, what to adjust.

Flex it. If a step goes badly, repeat it rather than pushing on. If the child is happy by visit 3, compress the rest. Keep the key person on shift for every settling session, which may mean choosing start dates around the rota.

What to ask parents before the first day

Use these at the home visit or first meeting. Parents know their child best, and the answers shape the whole plan.

The essentials (some of these are required)

1. Any allergies, intolerances or special dietary needs? Is there an allergy action plan from a doctor?
2. Any health needs, medicines or conditions we should know about?
3. Who has parental responsibility? Who does the child live with?
4. Who may collect, and what password or check will you use?
5. At least two emergency contacts, and ideally more.

Their day

6. When do they usually eat, and what do they like? Bottle, cup, spoon-fed or feeding themselves?
7. How do they fall asleep, and when? What helps: rocking, a song, a sleep bag, a particular phrase?
8. Nappies, pull-ups or pants? What words do you use for the toilet?

Them

9. What do they love right now? Toys, songs, animals, a programme?
10. What upsets them, and what calms them?
11. What words or signs do they use for things they need? Which languages are spoken at home?
12. Who are the important people and pets in their life? Can we have a photo?
13. Have they been apart from you before? How did it go?
14. Is anything changing at home: a new baby, a move, a parent returning to work?

You

15. How are you feeling about them starting? What would help you?
16. How would you like to hear how the first days are going?

Settling babies and older children

Babies. Separation anxiety is common between about six months and three years, according to the NHS, so a baby who went happily to anyone at five months may not at nine. Consistency matters most: the same key person, the same feeding and sleep cues, the same songs. Ask about exact feeding amounts and times. Be ready to explain the safe sleep rules in the current EYFS: babies aged 12 months and under must sleep in a cot, and cots for under-twos must not contain toys, pillows or extra blankets (3.86). A comforter can be part of the wind-down but not in the cot. See safe sleep at nursery.

Toddlers and older children. They understand more, so tell them what is happening. Photos of the room and the key person, a short book about starting nursery, and a clear goodbye routine all help. Older children often settle through a friend or a favourite activity rather than an adult. Watch that a confident child is not quietly being left to get on with it.

When a child is not settling

Some tears at drop-off for a few weeks are normal. Look harder if, after the first two weeks, the child:

• is still distressed for most of the session, not just the first few minutes
• will not eat, drink or sleep here
• will not let anyone but one adult near them, and that adult is not their key person
• has stopped playing or exploring
• is struggling more, not less

What to try:

• Slow down. Go back to shorter sessions for a few days.
• Check the key person match. If the child has clearly attached to another adult, consider making that person the key person. This is about the child, not staff pride.
• Check the pattern. Is it worse on certain days, after a certain drop-off, or when the key person is on a break?
• Talk to the parent face to face, not by message, and agree the plan together.

The NHS suggests parents speak to their health visitor if separation anxiety causes a lot of distress, the child stays upset long after the parent leaves, or it goes on for more than a few weeks. Pass that on kindly if it applies.

Supporting parents’ own anxiety

A parent crying in the car park is common, and it affects the child the next morning. Things that help:

• A short, confident goodbye. NHS advice is to keep it brief and never slip away unseen.
• Be there at the time you said. For the parent as much as the child.
• A quick update after drop-off on the first few days, once the child has calmed down. One sentence is enough: “Stopped crying five minutes after you left and is now in the sandpit.”
• Honesty. If it was a hard morning, say so, and say what you are doing about it. Parents trust you more when you do not pretend every day was lovely.
• Name the key person every time. It builds the relationship the framework asks for.

Childminders

The same requirements apply under the childminder framework. You are usually the key person (3.46), so the plan is simpler, but settling a new child among children who already know you and each other still takes planning. Look at your ratios and your existing children’s routines when you choose settling times.